This was a stunning victory for the bullshit-industrial complex | Marina Hyde

Boris Johnson is world king now. Where there is discord, let him sow his wild oats

Well. A new dawn has shat, has it not? Shortly after 7am, Boris Johnson slipped into the costume Dominic Cummings has been sewing for him out of the skins of missing statesmen. “I am humbled that you have put your trust in me,” announced the nation’s foremost liar in front of a backdrop reading “the people’s government”, as though this ideally axiomatic concept was an innovation.

With the emphasis on “a sacred trust”, this government’s senior personnel are immediately keen to stress it will be a servant of the people. I assume the specific servant it’s modelled on is Paul Burrell. They’ve already dragged the Queen into it, and will soon begin amassing the nation’s property in their attic “for safekeeping”. Brexit will be done for Christmas, with Johnson scoring a stunning victory for the bullshit-industrial complex. From the outset, the Tories decided it was more effective to pretend you’re listening to people who have doubts about you, than to invite them to fuck off and join the Labour party. But hey – everyone’s a strategist after the event.

Related: Devoid of agility, charisma and credibility, Corbyn has led Labour into the abyss | Polly Toynbee

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