Back to politics as usual. Or as it’s also known, total farce | Marina Hyde

As Westminster creaks into life again, we have an absent Johnson, an all-too-present Cummings, and as for Labour …

Parliament sat again this week, and there was a real back-to-school feeling in Westminster. Private schools have much longer holidays, of course, which is why it was fine for Boris Johnson not to turn up to the Iran crisis till its first phase was basically over. I think Matron had given him a chit for a few more Caribbean cocktails.

So cometh the hour, cometh … hang on, let me get my reading glasses on … ah, cometh Ben Wallace, who’s apparently secretary of state for defence. Even at this early stage, you get the feeling that the Johnson premiership is going to offer so many understudies their chance to shine while the star is indisposed. In literally every respect bar all the obvious ones, the prime minister is like a sleek, very highly strung thoroughbred racehorse, who must be rested and pampered and indulged in order save his energy and nerves for the equivalent of the big races. Driving a digger through a polystyrene wall, for instance, or holding a big fish.

The UK government will soon be making all announcements direct and unmediated on Instagram stories, like a Kardashian

Related: Labour leadership race: who’s had a good week – and who hasn’t

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